How Not to be a Tourist

17 May

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I’ve been here for nearly four months and still don’t really understand the Spanish culture. They are some of the most liberal and free people but have the weirdest conservative cultural norms. To avoid being referred to as a “guiri” (a guiri is a term Spaniards use for foreigners. American girls are the easiest guiris to spot.) here is the list I have compiled of things that you should never do in Spain.

Things not to do:

1. Never eat breakfast. (because it doesn’t exist.)

2. NEVER leave the house with bare legs. I don’t care if your’e wearing bermuda shorts, ALWAYS wear tights with them. My professor even wears tights under her jeans…

3. ¬†Never ask for anything to go in a restaurant. Don’t even ask for coffee to go. They won’t know what to do.

4. Never wear your workout clothes in public. Or anything in that realm of clothing. Take sweatpants out of your wardrobe completely.

5. NEVER EVER where flip flops out of the house.
Dressy sandals: OK
Old Navy flipflops you bought for $1: NEVER OKAY

6. Never eat dinner before 9pm. Before 8pm is still considered the “afternoon”

7. Never go out until after midnight. You will be the only one there. It will be awkward.

8. Never leave the club/bar before 4am, if you do it’s considered leaving too “early” and you’re lame (Spaniards don’t sleep)

9. Never assume that just because you’re walking on a “sidewalk” there won’t be a car or moped that could potentially run you over. They have no road rules here. Sidewalks=Roads

10. If you have a dog, never pick up their dog poop on the sidewalk because no one does.

On the Contrary here are a few socially acceptable things:

1. It’s okay to drink beer with your tostada at 10am.

2. Its common to see extreme showcases of public displays of affection on benches, in parks, restaurants, aka everywhere. (just make sure you’re wearing tights and it’s okay….?)

3. It’s acceptable to dress like your going out at all hours of the day. Its never a bad day for heels when you’re Spanish.

4. It’s assumed that you are a futbol (aka soccer) enthusiast. If you’re not you should probably just go home.

5. It is more than acceptable to go home and take a nap between 2 and 5 every day.

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